The Sunday Tabloid last night learned that Livi’s last line of defence has been leading a dark and shameful double life.
McNeil is rumbled, yesterday
On the surface, Lions No 1 – Andy McNeil – seemed to all the world to have everything: Ferraris, yachts, an island in the Caribbean, a massive female entourage – the list goes on. But a quick scratch beneath his manly, chiselled surface has revealed a far more sinister aspect to the shot-stopper’s character.
For it seems McNeil has been leading a double life: goalkeeper by day and clown merkin magnate by night.
Mr Wooly
Going under the pseudonym of ‘Mr Wooly’, McNeil has been manufacturing and selling an assortment of coloured merkins to Edinburgh’s secretive clown community from seedy backstreet premises in the Capital’s Annandale Street.
The Sunday Tabloid was initially tipped off by a former member of the underworld sect, desperate to escape his sordid life of juggling, balloon animals and throwing buckets of confetti at children. Greasepaint-free for the first time in 10 years, “Mr Chuckles” as we’ll call him took our reporter on a guided tour of McNeil’s secret lair.
Clown paraphernalia
Masquerading as a new recruit, our reporter was shocked when he saw McNeil brazenly sitting in the front of his shop weaving a rainbow coloured merkin – without any makeup to hide his shame. But our man was even more shocked to learn McNeil’s sordid enterprise is not merely limited to items of clown-related pubic augmentation, but also includes:
- Giant shoes
- Wide-topped trousers
- Custard pies
- Honking horns
Justice
The word goes out, last night
We reported our findings to Chief Superintendent Fatty Arbuckle of the Keystone Cops Anti-Clown Squad, who promised swift action. And he was good to his word as no sooner had our reporter left the station but a fleet of comedy Model-T Fords with unnecessarily oversized ladders screeched out the yard in random directions.
McNeil was unavailable for comment when we called at his house last night, as it wasn’t his house.
And in other news….
A promising lead in the hunt to find missing tvLIVI man, Stewart McRaw, came to nothing yesterday when the individual concerned turned out to be a 6 month old baby with no hat.
Tags: Andy McNeil, Clown, Keystone Cops, merkins
