Archive | November, 2011

tvLIVI man sparks missing fears

30 Nov

Edinburgh (L) and McRaw (R), last week

tvLIVI were last night facing a major crisis due to one of their crew members going missing.

The crew who brave all weathers and perilous vantage points simply to bring us match highlights of all Livi’s games consists of cameraman/editor Peter Edinburgh and his ever-smiling statistician/webmaster, Stewart McRaw.

And it’s McRaw absence which has sparked the latest fears.

Happy

A deeply concerned Edinburgh told the Tabloid of his concerns last night.  “Everyone knows Stu is the bubbliest, happiest man anyone has ever met.  His smile is infectious, and even Frankie Boyle was forced to shake his hand and offer victim immunity when Stu was in the front row of his gig the other week.

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A tale of two teams

29 Nov
Chaz T, Tom C, Chinese and Mutter, yesterday

Livi supporters have been used to a rich diet of success over the past couple of years as back to back league championships have catapulted their team back into the First Division.

And with the ‘big’ teams success still fresh in their minds two groups of young fans have made the transition from the terracing to the pitch by forming football teams as they too strive to take on the best that opposition supporters teams can throw at them.

Step forward ‘FC Livingston JLS’ (JLS) and ‘L’Olympique Lion’ (LOL).

Good looking

JLS have gone from strength to strength; hammering LOL in the inauguration Stadium Cup four nil at the BMC and picking up best newcomers in the prestigious World Cup of Internet Supporters Teams which is held bi-annually in Cleethorpes, England every June.

 Fair to middling

LOL, unfortunately, have suffered a terrible run of results. Their record to date is played twenty lost twenty, several of them by double figures.

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Nixon in recruitment denial

28 Nov
General Nixon, in 1863

With Santa making final preparations ahead of his whirlwind global tour on Christmas Eve, it seems Livingston FC are similarly readying themselves for the festive rush.

But whilst you may expect to have found replica shirts, leisure wear and other items of club branded merchandise stocking the shelves, the truth is somewhat different.

For it appears the ‘must have’ gift this Christmas is a full Confederate Army combat uniform.

Cuddly toys

An Almondvale insider has told the Tabloid that this is the brainchild of Chief Executive General G.E.D. Nixon.  But it does not seem to be universally popular with the players and staff, many of whom were hoping to buy family and friends cuddly amber teddies and suchlike.

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The Good Doctor, Who?

27 Nov
Deuchar, a week next Monday

In a bombshell set to rock the Livi supporting world, your fan-tastic SUNDAY TABLOID  has learned that the validity of stethoscope-wielding hitman Kenny Deuchar’s contract is in serious doubt.

Deuchar (6’8”) has become a real fans favourite since putting pen to paper in January this year.  However sources close to The Good Doctor say Deuchar has actually been a Livi player for far longer than that.

Police Box

The Sunday Tabloid understands  that as well as moonlighting as a quack selling various narcotic-based tonics to gullible cowboys and stuff, 7’6” Deuchar has also been working on the fly as a universe-saving Time Lord.   Continue reading

Rory sees red as the Lions lose in Livi at last

26 Nov

Livingston 0-3 Ross County

Livingston were comprehensively beaten this afternoon three goals to nil by league leaders Ross County at a storm ravaged BMC.

Unable to take advantage of the wind in their favour in the first half, Livingston were further hindered in the 56th minute when ref Mike Tumilty chose to show Rory Boulding a straight red card for an admittedly robust challenge on County’s Paul Lawson. It’s questionable whether or not contact was even made between the players with the ball seeming to take the brunt of the tackle. However, County were soon to make their man advantage pay.

 Just after the hour mark a Fitzpatrick ball from the left wing caught the Livi backline at sixes and sevens leaving Michael Garydne enough time to strike a smart shot up and beyond McNeil in the home goal.

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Exclusive! The MDB exposed!

26 Nov
The MDB, yesterday

Your super soaraway Tabloid has undercovered a secretive movement of  shouty people who move amongst the ordinary Livi fans on a matchday.

They are, we can exclusively reveal, the Militant Drummer Boys (MDB)!

Pests 

Our Tabloid man on the inside managed to infiltrate their secret get together in a disused scout hall on the banks of the Brox Burn in nearby Uphall.

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Lions in new takeover threat

25 Nov
“Emperor” Michelangelo Madone, yesterday

Tabloid Towers was rocked last night by news that yet another Livi takeover is on the cards.

Through our extensive international media network, we have learned that Italian entrepreneur and all-round philanthropist, Michelangelo Madone, has the BMC very much in his sights as he looks to expand his European empire.

Madone (44) was addressing a gathering of schoolchildren in one of his many Roman sweatshops when his startling revelation was made.  Using an intermediary, we were able to make contact with the swarthy Italian and learn of his plans first hand.

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