Chuck Norris sorts out Livi bonus row!

24 Dec

Chuck Norris, yesterday

Livi Chairman Gordon MacDougall was forced to bring in top Hollywood actor Chuck Norris to mediate as a row over the players Christmas bonus threatened to erupt into fisticuffs yesterday.

 Chuck Norris makes Onions cry

Weeks of careful yuletide perk negotiations were thrown off balance when graffiti was found in trap 2 of the upstairs gents toilets at the BMC suggesting that McDougal was so tight that when he held a coin in the palm of his hand the Queen struggled for breath.

Chuck Norris can smoke underwater

MacDougal immediately called on the services of legendary Beverley Hills hard man, Norris (72), in an attempt to root out the vandal in order that the knife edge discussions could recommence.

By all accounts Norris ordered the players to return early from training and lined them up, in a line, in the stadium car park.

Chuck Norris can kick you with a punch

The hard as nails actor then proceeded to do 50 push-ups. Not as you’d expect however. No, he didn’t push himself up; he pushed the ground down.

Chuck Norris CAN talk about Fight Club

The guilty party was given five minutes to own up and with the clock ticking down it was club japester Paul Watson who, visibly sobbing,  stepped forward. To teach the errant defender a lesson Norris, without hesitation, delivered a single roundhouse kick to Watson’s napper, sending the foolhardy funster flying to the floor.

Chuck Norris can clap with his eyelids

MacDougall at the negotiating table, yesterday

With the graffiti mystery solved it was all back round the negotiating table where MacDougall explained to the players that as their bonus had been spent on hiring Norris he was now skint.

Norris, who once made Clint Eastwood’s day, refused to comment.

Instead, he sent the Tabloid a text message with his mind saying “It’s been a pleasure Ma’am, glad to have been of service”.

He then floated off into outer space by staring out gravity forcing it to look the other way.

What a guy!


2 Responses to “Chuck Norris sorts out Livi bonus row!”

  1. JR Hartley December 24, 2011 at 5:43 am #

    Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.

  2. dailylivitabloid December 24, 2011 at 5:00 pm #

    Santa watches you when you are sleeping. Chuck Norris watches you when Santa’s sleeping.

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