Tag Archives: Daily Tabloid

Want onions, mate?!

30 Dec

Todays look back into the Tabloid archives see us reproduce another hilarious issue; this time from Thursday, 7th April 2005. It’s all true, you know?!

Stavros in 2005, yesterday

Stavros, the guy that used to be the kid on Kebab seller on ‘Saturday Night Live’ signs on as Livi’s club ‘interpretor’. Read on for more…………….

It would appear that the rather unpredictable Pearse Brosnan, has appointed 80’s comedy icon ‘Stavros the Kebab seller’ to the position of  ‘Club interpretor’, after the short term signing of Pascal Nouma has raised the profile of Livingston FC in Turkey, a small land locked country to the far north of Asia.

Livingston fans web sites have been inundated by Turkish ‘Turks’ all clambering for any information on Pascal, who famously once gave the Royal Crown Prince of Turkmenistan a ‘Moonie’ after scoring a vital goal during a vital end of season derby game between Fennerbatchie and Rabsbarsponsor. It was this very celebration that saw him arrested and placed in jail for 2 years until Jason (and his Argonauts) managed to wangle him free amidst scenes more akin to a ‘Carry On’ movie.

In Turkey you see they are not allowed to keep women as pets, and if a woman is found in the street without the correct papers then she is immediately shown a red card and ordered back to the kitchen to make supper for her hard working husband and children. So when a woman is spotted in the streets, it causes mayhem, with the traffic stopping to gawk and everything.

On the occasion of Pascals bid for freedom, the Argonauts were pretending to have a kick about outside the prison in full view of the guards. This one Argonaut falls to the ground, like he has hurt his leg or something, and before you can say ‘shake and vac’ a lovely leggy lady who has appeared from nowhere goes down on him with her magic sponge, much to the delight of the guards who are given an eyeful of her Turkish Delight.

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Exclusive! The MDB exposed!

26 Nov
The MDB, yesterday

Your super soaraway Tabloid has undercovered a secretive movement of  shouty people who move amongst the ordinary Livi fans on a matchday.

They are, we can exclusively reveal, the Militant Drummer Boys (MDB)!

Pests 

Our Tabloid man on the inside managed to infiltrate their secret get together in a disused scout hall on the banks of the Brox Burn in nearby Uphall.

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Livi forum descends into farce

24 Nov

James Bolam, General Nixon, Dara Stoker, yesterday

Your number one Daily Tabloid can exclusively reveal that the Livi Supporters Trust, ‘LIVItillIdie’ (LTID), held a fans forum on Monday evening at the British Motor Corporation Stadium (BMC).

The event was chaired by LTID head honcho, Dara Stoker, who was accompanied at the top table by ex Likely Lad, James ‘Terry’ Bolam and Livi FC Chief Executive and Confederate Army General, G.E.D. Nixon.

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The TABLOID is back!

21 Nov

Having been deluged by letters from upset readers following the demise of the old “Tabloid”, we at Tabloid Towers have been forced to cave into the mounting pressure from both of them, and re-launch the Fans’ Champion Daily Tabloid here in its new home!

As before, we’ll strive to bring you all the latest gossip, insider stories and behind-the-scenes doings down at Almondvale.  100% truth guaranteed!*

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