Tag Archives: Livingston

Let’s get ready to rumble!

26 Dec

Fight Club, yesterday

The Daily Tabloid continues its Xmas week look back into the Tabloid archives. This was first published on Friday 4th February 2005; enjoy!

It seems that annoying, chuggy chewing, cap wearing, king of the ‘excuse’, Dundee Utd manager Ian McCall could soon be given his head to play with after a leaked report outlining plans for an end of season stramash has been uncovered. Read on for more

An SPL report leaked to the Daily Tabloid today has revealed exciting plans to have a massive free for all on the steps outside Hampden Park, Glasgow to decide who gets relegated if 2 or more teams finish the season bottom of the league with equal points.

The document outlines how the ‘last man standing’ skirmish will allow teams who have been gash all season one final chance to roll up their sleeves and get fired into the opposition in a last gasp attempt to avoid the dreaded drop to the lower leagues.

A fight, yesterday

Livingston manager Vincent Van Gough (77) insisted that he would be more than happy to march his troops to SPL safety in this manner. “If I was given the chance to legally swing for that fat wee chump Ian McCall I’d take it, no questions asked. Do you think they’ll allow weapons?”

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Livi ease to victory as Barr punishes poor Raith

10 Dec

Livingston returned to winning ways this afternoon with a, despite the close scoreline, comfortable victory against bottom side Raith Rovers at Starks Park.

Goal 

Central defender Craig Barr scored the game’s only goal after 56 minutes when he strongly headed home a Fotheringham corner. Raith will be disappointed that Barr found himself unmarked on the six yard line but he did well to react to defender Grant Murray’s unintended flick on to head smartly beyond the outstretched McGurn in goal.

Strong start

Livi started the game on the front foot and created the first scoring chance with barely sixty seconds on the clock. A neat ball inside by Bobby Barr gave Marc McNulty the opportunity to shimmy away from his marker into space in the box. Unfortunately for the teenage striker he was unable to keep his shot down and fired well wide.

Livi were dominating possession but couldn’t quite find a way through the Fifers stubborn back line.

Close call 

After forty minutes though Raith had a let off when an out swinging Fotheringham corner was met powerfully by Craig Barr who really should have done better than to head narrowly wide of McGurns left post.

They didn’t learn the set piece lesson and were punished when Craig Barr gave Livi a deserved lead with his headed goal eleven minutes into the second half.

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‘Livi let me down!’

5 Dec

Iaian Russell and Paul Watson, yesterday

News has reached us here at Tabloid HQ of a quite shocking litany of poor behaviour at Livi’s first team fancy dress Christmas night out in Cleethorpes on Saturday evening.

According to Stella Miggins (89), a B+B landlady in the west coast sea-side town for over a hundred years the players conduct fell way short of what was expected of them.

All her own teeth 

Stella was surprisingly forthcoming in her anger towards Livi’s stars such as Iaiain Russell, Paul Watson and St. Bobby Barr.

“I’m ninety five you know, and I’ve not been cleaning up after top football icons of their time for nigh on a hundred years to not know when I’ve been short changed.

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Luvvies love it as Livi lose again

3 Dec

Partick Thistle 2-1 Livingston

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The storm clouds opened over a chilly Firhill just before kick-off this afternoon in an ominous sign of things to come for Gary Bollans side.

Soggy

In a largely uninspiring opening period where players of both sides found it hard to stay on their feet on the soaking wet pitch it was Kenny Deuchar who came closest to scoring for the Lions when he beat Thistle’s ‘keeper Fox to a Mark Fotheringham cross to send a header narrowly wide.

Mark McNulty had strong appeals for a penalty waved away by the referee after his heels were caught by Conrad Balatoni just inside the box. The youngster was rightly furious but was lucky not be carded as he continued to remonstrate with the linesman as the game played on.

Goals

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Livi were made to rue those opportunities when Balatoni, completely unmarked 10yds from goal, opened the scoring for the home side after 26 minutes with a smartly struck right foot shot after being picked out by a pin point Cairney ball.

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Livi chef unmasked

3 Dec

'Fodder Foodstuffs' founder Simon Prowse, yesterday

Livingston FC was in shock last night as a warrant for the arrest of club head chef and school dinner entrepreneur Simon Prowse, 49, was issued by Llanfairpwllgwyngyll Police.

Boyo

The Tabloid has been led to believe that shady Prowse has spent every spare moment since emigrating to Scotland in June 1977, from Wales, hawking tawdry second hand and knocked off Star Wars memorabilia around recession hit Scottish town and village markets.

Tight

Multi millionaire Prowse, who’s actual day job is to supervise his minimum wage school kitchen staff to ensure that they stick to rigid guidelines of one thin slice of yesterdays ham to a dry bread sandwich also found time to establish ‘Fodder Foodstuffs’ to provide the hospitality guests at Livi FC with equally poor portioned chow.

Bunnet

Charles Bunnet, in charge of changing Livi’s photocopier toner, told the Tabloid “Now that you come to mention it, it’s actually pretty obvious that he’s Darth Vader, isn’t it?

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Rory sees red as the Lions lose in Livi at last

26 Nov

Livingston 0-3 Ross County

Livingston were comprehensively beaten this afternoon three goals to nil by league leaders Ross County at a storm ravaged BMC.

Unable to take advantage of the wind in their favour in the first half, Livingston were further hindered in the 56th minute when ref Mike Tumilty chose to show Rory Boulding a straight red card for an admittedly robust challenge on County’s Paul Lawson. It’s questionable whether or not contact was even made between the players with the ball seeming to take the brunt of the tackle. However, County were soon to make their man advantage pay.

 Just after the hour mark a Fitzpatrick ball from the left wing caught the Livi backline at sixes and sevens leaving Michael Garydne enough time to strike a smart shot up and beyond McNeil in the home goal.

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