Tag Archives: Mars

NASA in Martian mystery

18 Aug

Top space boffins at NASA got more than they bargained for when multi-million dollar Mars “Curiosity rover” photographed a rather surprising object lying on the surface of the Red Planet – an SPL-branded football!

The ball on Mars, this morning.

The car-sized exploratory vehicle blasted off from Cape Crusader last November before making a perfect landing on our neighbouring world earlier this month.  Its mission is to explore Gale Crater on the Martian surface before climbing a huge extinct volcano, known as Mount Sharp, to sample and photographs rocks and stuff.

Houston we have a problem

However space chiefs at the project’s HQ in Houston Industrial Estate were stunned to find the size 5 Mitre ball lying on the surface when the rover’s first set of high resolution images were successfully beamed back to Earth in the early hours of this morning.

Naturally the turned to the Fans’ Champion Daily Tabloid for help: and it’s a good job they did.

With the assistance of astronomers and Russell Grant with his pink divining rods, we have been able to clear up the mystery.

Useless git

Back in 2004 during a midweek game against Hibernian at Valealmond Stadium, failed Hungarian giant, Attila Kriston, attempted a long ball from defence intended for Richard Brittain as the game entered its latter stages.  However, given Kriston’s sheer size and lack of ability, his lofted pass cleared the stadium’s North Stand and was never seen again.

Attila Kriston, somewhere yesterday

So miss-hit was the lofty Magyar’s gargantuan toe-poke, that in addition to clearing the stadium, the ball also broke free from Earth’s gravitational field and headed off into outer space.  After several years travelling through the vacuum of the Solar System, it was pulled in by Mars’ gravitational field and sent plummeting through its atmosphere to land in the Gale Crater.

There is now some speculation that Kriston’s wayward pass actually caused the Gale Crater to be formed, but hopefully “Curiosity” can clarify this in due course.


Asked for his thoughts on the matter, Kriston’s former manager at Livingston – Vincent Van “Fug” Gough – said “I used to play for Scotland and Rangers. The proper Rangers I mean, not this new Mickey Mouse lot.”

“Want to buy a caravan?” he added.

More on this story as it develops.

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