Tag Archives: OMD

Yogi in picnic basket theft horror

21 Aug

Livi gaffer, Yogi Bear, was last night reeling after his private collection of picnic baskets was stolen in a midnight raid at his home in Jellystone Park.

Yogi in happier times, yesterday.

Speaking to a packed press conference this morning, Bear’s normally amiable personality was completely absent as he raged at the loss of the collection he had spent several years amassing.

Canny believe it

“I canny believe it” he said.  “Me and Boo Boo (Bear’s assistant, John Collins out of OMD) spent pure yonks sniffin’ oot quality pick-a-nick baskets from all the tourists that come to the park.

“We aye skipped the ones from Aldi and Lidl as they were all German crap, and concentrated on the top notch ones from Harrods, Jenners and the Co-op that used to be in the Craigshill Mall.  There were 27 of them at the last count, all empty mind.

“I’m reduced to carrier bags now” he sobbed.

Collins out of OMD

Collins out of OMD, last night

Police were initially keen to talk to Collins out of OMD, star of hits such as ‘Enola Gay’ and ‘Joan of Arc’ as he has not been seen in the area for some time, but this was ruled out when it was discovered his band have been on an extensive tour of Micronesia since July.

Battle of Spotsilvania

We spoke to Livingston FC’s Chief Executive, Confederate General G.E.D. Nixon, for his thoughts on the theft and the potential impact of Bear’s clear emotional distress on his team selection for next week’s game with Raith Rovers.  “Sir, I do believe I have advised you several times before, this has nothing to do with me” he said.

James, this morning

Airdrie connection

The Daily Tabloid has since learned that Borders and Lothian Police are following a positive line of enquiry involving several thieving Airdrie tinks and a North African Fire Salamander called James.

Investigations are ongoing.

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