Tag Archives: Panda

Livi ditch Umbro in shock move!

8 Dec
Iaiain Russell modelling Livi’s new strip, yesterday

Sensational news has emerged from the BMC that Livingston FC have ditched Umbro to sign a 110 year contract with Chairman Mao’s Chinese government to kit out the team in official ‘Panda wear’ apparel.

Dirty dozen 

In a move that’s sure to create a backlash from the twelve or so fans who actually buy the strips, the club have, as part of the deal that brought Chinese Panda duo Watcha Wa and Sum Younguy to Scotland, also agreed to rip up the Youth Academy fieldturf in order to plant seventeen acres of rice and bamboo.

Steven Cow, who operates a market stall under the guise of ‘Football Country’ down Leith where he shifts pre-worn football boots and Simply Red CD’s and doubles as Wa’s and Younguy’s agent, explained the terms of the deal to the Tabloid. “It’s quite simple really. I was approached as I left the Maybury Casino the other night by two sinister looking cute hairy black and white characters in masks.

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It’s the Hair Bear Bunch!

7 Dec
Watcha Wa and Sum Younguy, yesterday

Livingston rocked the world of Scottish football last night by snapping up the paw prints of highly rated Chinese international Panda bears, Watcha Wa and Sum Younguy.

The West Lothian club signed the cute pair despite stiff competition from both big Glasgow sides, Pollock and Clydebank.

Football Country 

The bears’ agent, second hand sportswear retailer Steven Cow, told the Tabloid that “it’s a massive coup for a club like Livingston to sign this endangered pair. I’ve known General G.E.D. Nixon for several years and when he heard that the bears were interested in coming to Scotland to further their careers he was right on the phone.

“It was touch and go in the end as to where they would end up with  several other clubs also in the mix for their prints. However G.E.D.’s enthusiasm along with Gordon MacDougall’s plans to attempt to have them breed the next generation of youth players at the BMC swung it Livi’s way.”

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Panda-monium averted!

6 Dec

Lions Skipper Fox, yesterday

The world of nature last night dodged a bullet as one of Livi’s top players was unmasked as the mastermind behind a plot to assassinate Scotland’s two new pandas.

Club captain and former Tory Defence Secretary, Liam Fox, was this morning under lock and key after his sick plan was uncovered at the last minute.  Despite resigning his Government post in October this year, Fox still held enough sway with the military top brass to order captured Iraqi Scud missiles for the task of eliminating the jet bringing Tian Tian and Yang Guang from China to Edinburgh.


However the disgraced midfielder and sitting MP for North Somerset is still stubbornly denying everything, despite the overwhelming evidence pointing to his guilt.

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